Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

Caretakers and Their Borderline/Narcissists:

- Caretakers hope to fix or heal the Borderline or Narcissist to improve the relationship.

- Caretakers get frustrated and hurt when the Borderline or Narcissist doesn’t get better.

- The Caretaker’s fear of anger and disagreement lead them to being manipulated by the Borderline or Narcissist.

- Caretakers give up their own needs and wants to try to appease the Borderline or Narcissist.

- Caretakers often don’t pay enough attention to their own needs.

- Letting go of the Caretaker role includes giving up hope, giving up guilt and giving up shame.

- Learning to acknowledge and care for your own feelings and needs helps you drop the Caretaker role.

- Being a Caretaker is damaging to your health and well-being.

- Emotionally caretaking another adult leads to an imbalance of power and a fight for control in the relationship.

- By breaking the crazy-making rules in the relationship, you can quit Caretaking and step back into the world of logic, sanity, and personal choice.

- You can quit Caretaking and restore your healthy sense of well being, but you can’t change the Borderline or Narcissist.

From the Author:

I see that relationship interactions are the result of the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and reactions of ALL parties. Too often the Borderline or Narcissist is blamed and the other participants feel like victims. Family Systems theory sees that everyone contributes to the problem and any one of them can change the final results. The Caretaker can change what s/he does and change the outcome for themselves and everyone else.

I have written the book for anyone who has an ongoing relationship with a Borderline or Narcissist. This could be a spouse, dating partner, sibling, parent, child, in-law, co-worker or friend. Therapists could use the book as they work with their clients who feel “stuck” and frustrated in a relationship with a Borderline or Narcissist. My most recent book, Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship, complements this material by providing next steps in the healing process.