It's All Your Fault at Work!: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People

The award-winning book that gives readers a method for handling the increasingly-outrageous behavior of narcissists and high-conflict people at work.

Increasingly, high-conflict people—especially narcissists and bullies—are showing up in the workplace. It's All Your Fault at Work! addresses ways of managing the behavior of high-conflict people (HCP).

Based on Bill Eddy's high-conflict personality theory, the book explains how to recognize predictable patterns of behavior and illustrates with over a dozen examples the simple four-step C.A.R.S. method to calm the HCP, analyze options, respond to hostility, and set limits on extreme behavior.

“This book belongs in every leader’s library. Although I believe there’s a pearl of good in everyone, some people’s pearl is hard to find. You may not be able to change a high conflict personality, but by using Bill Eddy’s and Georgi DiStefano’s techniques, you’ll be able to keep the focus on solutions rather than arguments.”

—Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and Leading at a Higher Level

“This book belongs in every leader’s library. Although I believe there’s a pearl of good in everyone, some people’s pearl is hard to find. You may not be able to change a high conflict personality, but by using Bill Eddy’s and Georgi DiStefano’s techniques, you’ll be able to keep the focus on solutions rather than arguments.”

―Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and Leading at a Higher Level

Collections strong in books on business management will find the narrowed focus and insights especially important in It's All Your Fault at Work. More and more workers have high-conflict personalities: the business manager's challenge is on how (or if) to manage them. As narcissistic or bullying people dominate the workplace and spread discard, it's important that managers not only understand the signs and effects of these personalities, but realize their options in responding to workplace hostility and how to set limits. This book packs in specifics, from responding to misinformation and considering who in the workplace fits the description of a 'high conflict personality' to making the most of workplace atmosphere and re-directing conflict to more positive results. No manager should be without this analysis.
―MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, June 2015

“Bill Eddy’s model for high-conflict personalities has proved an invaluable aid for us when working with our toughest employee relations cases. His practical advice provides a very useful framework for recognizing and understanding different workplace personalities and developing the most effective approach to handling them.”

―Keith Epstein, senior workplace investigator, Intel Corporation

“In today's global economy, increased collaboration forces more complexity and turbulence upon us. In this environment, high-conflict personalities struggle more than ever to manage their extremes and maintain control of their lives and their relationships with others. As extreme behaviors proliferate, we are tasked with being more measured in our response. Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano offer an impressive practical tool for all of those caught in the dysfunctions of our modern workplace. Recommended to all global executives dealing with conflict and change!”

―Giuseppe Carella, managing director, Thunderbird School of Global Management

“Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano manage to combine their advanced knowledge and skills to produce practical and workable tips. Easy to read, understand, and use―a really useful and helpful book.”

―Professor Tania Sourdin, director, Australian Centre for Justice Innovation (ACJI), Monash University



“This book belongs in every leader’s library. Although I believe there’s a pearl of good in everyone, some people’s pearl is hard to find. You may not be able to change a high conflict personality, but by using Bill Eddy’s and Georgi DiStefano’s techniques, you’ll be able to keep the focus on solutions rather than arguments.”

—Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and Leading at a Higher Level

Collections strong in books on business management will find the narrowed focus and insights especially important in It's All Your Fault at Work. More and more workers have high-conflict personalities: the business manager's challenge is on how (or if) to manage them. As narcissistic or bullying people dominate the workplace and spread discard, it's important that managers not only understand the signs and effects of these personalities, but realize their options in responding to workplace hostility and how to set limits. This book packs in specifics, from responding to misinformation and considering who in the workplace fits the description of a 'high conflict personality' to making the most of workplace atmosphere and re-directing conflict to more positive results. No manager should be without this analysis.
—MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW, June 2015

“Bill Eddy’s model for high-conflict personalities has proved an invaluable aid for us when working with our toughest employee relations cases. His practical advice provides a very useful framework for recognizing and understanding different workplace personalities and developing the most effective approach to handling them.”

—Keith Epstein, senior workplace investigator, Intel Corporation

“In today's global economy, increased collaboration forces more complexity and turbulence upon us. In this environment, high-conflict personalities struggle more than ever to manage their extremes and maintain control of their lives and their relationships with others. As extreme behaviors proliferate, we are tasked with being more measured in our response. Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano offer an impressive practical tool for all of those caught in the dysfunctions of our modern workplace. Recommended to all global executives dealing with conflict and change!”

—Giuseppe Carella, managing director, Thunderbird School of Global Management

“Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano manage to combine their advanced knowledge and skills to produce practical and workable tips. Easy to read, understand, and use—a really useful and helpful book.”

—Professor Tania Sourdin, director, Australian Centre for Justice Innovation (ACJI), Monash University

No, it&;s not just your imagination—more and more people in the workplace today have high-conflict personalities. Co-workers, clients, even bosses are behaving in narcissistic or bullying ways, choosing targets and then placing blame on them, treating them with disdain, or otherwise acting in aggressive, inappropriate ways. Some go so far as to spread damaging rumors, harass, or directly sabotage their targets, among other extreme behaviors. These are not people who are just having an occasional bad day; these are people who display a repeated pattern of high-conflict behavior. And they aren&;t just difficult; they are the most difficult of people. Some have true personality disorders, while others have only some traits of these disorders. Either way, they can make your life at work stressful, frustrating, and extremely challenging. The good news is that their behavior is not about you—it&;s about them. What&;s more, you can learn strategies and techniques to deal with them more effectively at work.

Based on Bill Eddy&;s high-conflict personality theory, he and co-author, L. Georgi DiStefano, expertly define the problem so you can recognize potential high-conflict people (HCPs) in your own work life. They describe the key characteristics of HCPs and the typical behavior patterns of five main types of high-conflict personalities. Then they walk you through their proactive approach for minimizing conflict and keeping interactions with HCPs as peaceful as possible. You&;ll learn about—and see examples of—how to use a simple, proven four-step method to help calm HCPs, analyze your options, respond to hostility, and set limits on extreme behavior. While you cannot ultimately change someone else&;s personality, you can adapt your own behavior and respond to the person in different ways that make things better at work for yourself, the high-conflict person, and your organization.

No, it’s not just your imagination―more and more people in the workplace today have high-conflict personalities. Co-workers, clients, even bosses are behaving in narcissistic or bullying ways, choosing targets and then placing blame on them, treating them with disdain, or otherwise acting in aggressive, inappropriate ways. Some go so far as to spread damaging rumors, harass, or directly sabotage their targets, among other extreme behaviors. These are not people who are just having an occasional bad day; these are people who display a repeated pattern of high-conflict behavior. And they aren’t just difficult; they are the most difficult of people. Some have true personality disorders, while others have only some traits of these disorders. Either way, they can make your life at work stressful, frustrating, and extremely challenging. The good news is that their behavior is not about you―it’s about them. What’s more, you can learn strategies and techniques to deal with them more effectively at work.

Based on Bill Eddy’s high-conflict personality theory, he and co-author, L. Georgi DiStefano, expertly define the problem so you can recognize potential high-conflict people (HCPs) in your own work life. They describe the key characteristics of HCPs and the typical behavior patterns of five main types of high-conflict personalities. Then they walk you through their proactive approach for minimizing conflict and keeping interactions with HCPs as peaceful as possible. You’ll learn about―and see examples of―how to use a simple, proven four-step method to help calm HCPs, analyze your options, respond to hostility, and set limits on extreme behavior. While you cannot ultimately change someone else’s personality, you can adapt your own behavior and respond to the person in different ways that make things better at work for yourself, the high-conflict person, and your organization.

Negotiation and mediation expert Bill Eddy is president of the High Conflict Institute and a certified family law specialist. Prior to becoming a lawyer, Eddy worked as a licensed clinical social worker. He speaks throughout the U.S. and internationally about high-conflict personalities and provides consultation and training on workplace issues. He is also the author of several books on managing and responding to high-conflict people, including New Ways for Work, a method for managing potentially high-conflict employees. He lives in San Diego, California.

L.Georgi DiStefano is a licensed clinical social worker with extensive experience as a therapist, Employee Assistance provider, management consultant, and a popular speaker on workplace conflict resolution. She has authored several books and articles, and has directed mental health and substance abuse programs. She lives in San Diego, California.