Here is a universal, time-tested path for finding true meaning and joy in every aspect of our lives. Drawing on his 30 years of teaching and service, Bo Lozoff shows why compassion--not success, self-improvement, or self-esteem--is at the root of happiness. In 26 intimate, inspiring chapters--each accompanied by a specific practice--Lozoff covers themes such as developing honesty, learning humility, dealing with anger, and honoring relationships. He shows how practices such as a daily vow of kindness or a simple commitment of time with others can have a profound effect on ourselves and our world. Lozoff's stories and lessons can awaken everyone to a happier and more fulfilled life.

Filled with lessons, wisdom, practices, and love. An invitation to a life well lived. -- Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart

Bo Lozoff is a spiritual activist and co-founder of the Human Kindness Foundation, which sponsors the Prison-Ashram Project (founded twenty-five years ago with Ram Dass), a quarterly newsletter, and Kindness House (a spiritual community that is open to visitors). He holds an honorary doctorate from the Chicago Theological Seminary. He has lectured in hundreds of prisons, universities, churches, and spiritual centers around the world and his work has been featured in many national publications. He lives outside of Durham, North Carolina.

It's a Meaningful Life

Penguin Books

Chapter One

Waking Up from the American Dream

* * *

I feel as if I've got all the right ingredients in place for a satisfying,enjoyable life. Bet they're not adding up in some essentialway. I still feel a sense of yearning for more, an absenceof real joy. What am I missing?

The Buddhist tradition emphasizes an element of spiritualliving translated as "right view." The idea of right view, likethe old saying "Don't miss the forest for the trees," remindsus that no matter how many good components we mayhave for a fulfilling life, those components must also fit intoa bigger picture with which our individual lives are in harmony.In other words, if we come to some idea of what lifein the largest sense is about, then we may begin to understandwhy or how our personal life falls short of fulfillment.We may even be surprised to see that we are not so unfulfilledas we had thought. Much of our vague yearning andsense of incompleteness may be due to wrong views shapedby modern media and unrealistic expectations.

    Be all you can be. Just do it! Climb every mountain. Dareto dream. These bumper-sticker philosophies of our daysound appealing on the surface, but they are tied to a consumermodel of life's purpose that never brings us thewholehearted satisfaction we inwardly crave, because consumerism?whilepromising satisfaction at every turn?relieson our never being satisfied. Underneath its ingeniouslywholesome images and compelling slogans, this lifeview is about selling products, nothing more.

    The two chief forces of consumer marketing are desireand fear. Eat this, drink this, do this, drive this, and you willbe happy. Take this pill to avoid pain. Meanwhile, the spiritualteachings of the world point to desire and fear as thetwo great shackles of human existence, the two biggest barriersto our natural joy.

    Of course, we all experience desire and fear. From thetime we are infants, desire for what may please us and fearof what may hurt us are important navigational systems.Their existence is not the problem; it's how we respond tothem that counts, how (or whether) we integrate them intoa more mature navigational system guided by right view.

    The sophistication and power of modern advertising and"infotainment," and the consequent globalization of consumervalues?what many analysts have begun to callEarth, Incorporated?have made it harder and harder tointegrate our natural desire and fear into a mature navigationalsystem, because consumerism relies on ceaseless desiresand fears. Helena Norberg-Hodge, author of AncientFutures: Learning from Ladakh, makes the intriguing observationthat the entire world, at present, is dominated by amentality that used to be associated with American teenageboys smoking cigarettes and riding motorcycles in blackleather jackets.

    Even if you and I have simplified our lives and haveadopted alternative values, it would be foolish to assume weare not influenced by the same blitz of messages and perspectivesthat bombard the mainstream culture with thelure of materialism, superficiality, and sense gratification.Let's face it: consumerism has taken over the world becauseit works! When I take the first bite of a Dairy Queen conedipped in melted chocolate?ah, delicious! I'm a happyman. But is there a cone in the world big enough to keepme happy for more than a few minutes?

    Earth, Incorporated, exhorts us to pursue that ultimatecone with all our might (and dollars). Clever marketinghas even convinced many of us that it is unhealthy notto satisfy our desires and fears. But when desire goesunchecked, it will eventually tempt us toward selfish orharmful or even criminal behavior in order to fulfill its object.When fear dominates us, we will eventually withdrawfrom others, or try to avoid life's natural ups and downs inunnatural ways.

    Living in servitude to our desires and fears is living likethe dogs who pursue a plywood rabbit around the racetrack. Not only do they never get to catch it, but even ifthey did, it's not really a rabbit, it's only painted plywood.They just run around that track all their lives for nothing.This is a truth many of us discover only when we attaineverything we thought we wanted, and still feel incompleteand unsatisfied.

    Keeping our heads on straight in this day and age requiresconscious and persistent effort. One way to look atour pursuit of an appropriate state of happiness is to breakit down into two parts:

1. What is my biggest view of life and my place in it? That is, what are my primary values?

2. What steps or behaviors are necessary to bring my daily existence into harmony with that view?

The gap between our sincere values and our actual behavioris the source of all self-hatred. And self-hatred is the antithesisof personal happiness. So it makes sense to ask thesequestions at the beginning of each day, or at least fairly often,and to spare no effort in bringing our behavior intoline with our values. Nothing is more important. We willnot find happiness while we are divided between the two.

    I have also found that scrupulous self-honesty helps agreat deal in integrating our fears and desires into a maturesense of happiness. For example, many of us, including me,have had some measure of problems with drugs or alcohol.When I lecture now at recovery centers, I try to point outthat one part of me would love to smoke a joint at that verymoment, or drink an ice-cold beer in a frosted mug. If Ipretended that I hated being high and had no nostalgicpulls toward smoking or drinking, I would be at muchgreater risk of backsliding, because I would be living in denial.When I talk about these things, you should see the reliefon the faces of recovering addicts who had been wastinga lot of energy trying to pretend there was nothing theymissed about their old ways.

    We can acknowledge our desires while at the same timenot indulging in them. In fact, this is the essence of freewill. In my life, drugs and alcohol come with too manystrings attached, so I choose not to fulfill my desires forthem. We cannot avoid some of the desires that come intoour minds, but we can choose to fulfill them or not. Spiritualpractices contribute greatly to the strength of our freewill, so that we may choose to respond to our desires andfears in keeping with our deepest values.

    The Bhagavad Gita tells us that only the person whopossesses self-control over desires and fears is on the roadto happiness. Another requirement for being on that road tohappiness, also expressed in the Gita, is giving up tryingto control things outside ourselves. You know the feeling:going through each day like a bowler who has already releasedhis ball but is leaning this way and that way, wavinghis hands toward a strike, shouting and nearly falling ontothe floor in gyrations that have no power whatsoever overthe ball or the pins. How often do we wave and shout andgyrate over things outside our control? I've got to find aparking space. Desire. No, no, don't let this be a flu comingon; I don't have time this week for the flu! Fear.

    True happiness, or what we may call joy, is internal, notexternal. It does not result from finding parking spaces oravoiding illnesses. It comes from taking responsibility forthe things under our control and learning to embrace eventhe unpleasant things that are not under our control. Superficialhappiness is the illusory pot of gold at the end ofthe rainbow, while joy is the whole rainbow right in frontof our eyes.

    Another difference between superficial happiness andreal joy is that joy can coexist with sorrow. VietnameseBuddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh has used the expressions"joyful sorrow" and "sorrowful joy." When we arefeeling down for any reason, we remind ourselves that life isstill essentially good underneath whatever is troubling us,so our sorrow does not necessarily go away, but exists withan undercurrent that is positive and grateful. Joyful sorrow.Conversely, when we are feeling wonderful, it is good to rememberhow much suffering and struggle continue to goon all around us, so that we may always bear compassion inour hearts for those who do not share our blessings. Sorrowfuljoy.

    To be sorrowful with no sliver of joy is to be blind to thebig picture, the transcendent and unified. To be happy withno heartfelt sorrow is to be blind to the little picture, thesuffering and despair among the people and nations of theworld.

    But does it work to search for these states of joyful sorrowor sorrowful joy in the first place? Is that how they arefound? The happiest people I have ever met have beenpeople who gave up their search for happiness and justlived according to their highest beliefs and biggest view.

    Michelangelo said that a sculptor doesn't create anything;he sees something of beauty within a block of stone,and then begins to chip away at everything that hides it. Ifit is true that real happiness and joy reside within us, thenwe simply need to keep chipping away at whatever it is thattempts us toward a smaller, more self-centered view of life.

Ah, the Joy, to discover there is no happiness to be found in the world!

?Wei Wu Wei

* * *

A Practice: CLARIFYING YOUR MOTIVATION

As basic as it may sound, very few of us take even a few secondseach morning to remind ourselves of who we are, whatwe believe in, or what we hope to do with our lives on this particularday. The mind is a powerful repository of the messagesit takes in. If we begin each day by reminding ourselves of ourright view and our best intentions, we will gradually find it easierto see through the contradictory messages and temptationswe encounter during the rest of the day.

    Script directors talk about a "throughline"?a theme thatmoves from the beginning to the end of an entire script, eventhough many auxiliary events and subthemes may occur alongthe way. Clarifying our motivation is one practical way ofkeeping a spiritual throughline all day long.

THE BIG CLARIFICATION

To catch your mind when it is most open and quiet, do a clarificationbefore you settle into all the nooks and crannies ofyour personality for the day. Either while you're still lying inbed or at the beginning of your morning meditation session,train yourself to bring thoughts such as the following into yourawareness. Select just two or three at the most, and give eachone time to sink in to your deepest motivational centers.

I am a seeker of truth on a spiritual journey. I believe life has sacred meaning and purpose.

May my behavior today express my deepest beliefs.

May I approach each and every task today with quiet impeccability.

May I be a simple, humble, kind presence on the earth today.

May I see the Divine Nature in all beings today.

May I be grateful today to those who came before me, and may I make the roads smoother for those who will travel them after me.

May I leave each place at least a little better than I found it today.

May I truly cherish this day, knowing that it may be my last.

May I remember, remember, remember, not to forget, forget, forget.

    Feel free to add to this list, but please notice there is a significantdifference between this type of clarification and a hostof popular affirmations that tend toward the superficial?allthe "I am special" and "Share my gifts" kinds of stuff that areego-boosting rather than soul-nourishing. You don't need toboost yourself; life will do that if you but remind yourself ofwho you are and what a good human life is about. Such simplereminders each day can make a major difference in theway our minds function.

REVIEWING AND REDEDICATING
YOURSELF FOR TOMORROW

If clarifying your motivation each morning is the front door,then looking back at the end of the day is the back door. Eitherat the end of your evening meditation period or whenyou're lying in bed before drifting off to sleep, take a few minutesto look back really honestly at the day you've just lived.His Holiness the Dalai Lama describes it this way:

In the late evening, look back on the day to see if you really spent your day as you pledged in the morning. If you find something positive (beneficial, helpful), then good, feel happy! Reinforce that determination by rejoicing in your own good actions and by resolving to continue such activities in the future.

If you find you have done something negative (harmful, destructive) during the day, you should feel remorse for those wrong actions committed ... reflecting on how these same negative actions, committed in the past, are the reason why you are still experiencing undesirable consequences Think that if you continue to indulge in such activities in the future, this will lead you into similar undesirable consequences again.

This last step is important, because now with compassion foryourself, you can rededicate your commitment for tomorrowso that you don't have to feel bad tomorrow night as well. Behonest but gentle, firm but forgiving. I'm humbled by today;may I be more consistent tomorrow for my own happiness andthe happiness of all beings.

LITTLE CLARIFICATIONS

In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, motivation is extremely important.Clarifying your motivation can be useful even for thesmallest issues of daily life. A well-loved monk in Tibet namedGeshe Ben was especially known for his scrupulous self-honestyand holding himself to task for impure motivation. Ata dinner for monks, Geshe Ben watched as the server moveddown the table filling each monk's bowl with delicious-lookingsweet curds. When the server finally arrived at his bowl,Geshe Ben put his hand over it and said, "I cannot haveany, thank you. I have enjoyed much more than my share already!"

    As you reach for something to eat, ask yourself, "What ismy motivation? Am I hungry or bored or looking for a particulartaste in my mouth?" As you turn on the television, askyourself "Am I hoping to see something of value or just to bedistracted?" In conversation, occasionally inquire of yourself,"What's the purpose of saying what I'm about to say? Is it toshare, to inspire, to help, to give, to learn?or just to competefor attention, impress others, put my two cents in?"

    This process of clarifying motivation should not be confusedwith psychologically analyzing ourselves to death. When clarifying,we are looking for a here-and-now realization of whatis actually going on. We are applying our powers of observation,not our intellect. Clarifying motivation takes a moment ortwo. It is not concerned with why we may be using food ortelevision as a distraction, just that we are; and it reminds usthat we do not wish to continue such habit patterns.

    As simple as it sounds, this is a solid beginning for living ahappier, holier life. We can change enormously. We can becomehappy, peaceful people no matter what we've beenthrough, or what we feel like right now. And we can beginvery simply by clarifying our reasons for doing what we do,from big to little, every day. Like Michelangelo, every day wechip away a little more of whatever obscures the radiant innerself. Ah, the joy ...

Continues...
Excerpted from It's a Meaningful Lifeby Bo Lozoff Copyright &copy 2001 by Bo Lozoff. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.