Grieving Is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable

You're Not Supposed to "Get Over It"

"Some will say that it’s unhealthy to remember. Some will castigate us for regrieving. Some will say to choose happiness instead of grief. But happiness and grief are not competitors. That is a myth perpetrated by a culture that is foolishly obsessed with pursuing one and dangerously avoiding the other. Yes, years later, decades later, we will still carry with us this consummate grief. We will carry it as long as we are alive and willing to live honestly and fully. As the tidal waves of grief come and go, we become more adept at navigating them."

—Dr. Jo

You're Not Alone

“I don’t feel alone, and I don’t feel crazy. I wish I could make everyone I know read [Dr. Jo's book Bearing the Unbearable].”

“Your book has spoken to me more than any of the therapy, coaching, spiritual seeking, soul seeking that I have done since [my son's] death.”

—readers of Dr. Jo's previous book, Bearing the Unbearable

You Grieve Because You Love

"Right in the center of our very wise hearts is the realization that we feel extraordinary grief because of extraordinary love. If we can become still enough, if we can listen to our hearts, it knows that grief is not the enemy. The sagacious heart knows that grief is just an innocent outcome of a most unnatural loss. What we really hate, the real enemy, is that our beloved died. That is what we wish we could conquer, undo, overcome, beat, negotiate, and avoid. Grief is a clean and honest product of the worst day of our lives."

—Dr. Jo

You Are in a Process of Transformation

"We can practice fully inhabited grief, letting it move cellularly through our being. It will transform us for sure. Remember that we are already being reluctantly transformed, no matter how much we resist. Things will change; it’s a matter of direction and tenor now. Grief, especially when traumatic, can shut us down and disconnect us or it can shatter our hearts into a million pieces of fierce compassion in the world. One way or another, we change."

—Dr. Jo