Don't Name Your Baby: What's Wrong with Every Name in the Book

Choosing a name is one of the first things expectant parents do. Thus, David Narter has created Don't Name Your Baby: What's Wrong with Every Name in the Book as a help to parents-to-be as they consider a name for their newborn. Here at last is the book that recognizes that choosing what not to name a baby is probably as important as choosing its name.

A name affects who a person will become -- a lousy name is almost always the doorway to a lousy childhood. Parents should know their child will be harassed, no matter what name is given, but they must also consider the potential downside of the names they are pondering for their child. Sample entries are:
-- Amy: Amy has such a cutesy, juvenile feel that most girls named Amy never get promoted past third grade.
-- Andrea: Oh my God! Means manly"" in Greek.
-- Charles: Prince Charles has ruined this name for everyone.
-- Chrystal: You're going to name your baby after a shiny rock?
-- Harold: Most Harolds tend to marry women named Gladys. So until Gladys picks up, you might want to stay away from this one or your boy will be lonely.
-- Jesse: A name inextricably linked to America's most famous killer. Good choice.
-- Jordan: You're naming your little girl after a 220-pound male athlete!? Have you considered Butkus? Larry? Wilt? Kobie?
-- Tammy: There are some things from which a name can never recover, and five pounds of eye-liner is one of them.

As an added benefit, Don't Name Your Baby provides lists of names for ugly babies, babies who will be old before their time, dog names, faddish names, names no one can live up to, names that guarantee your child will get beat up at school, names for jobless babies,scented names, and the ultimate list of steady, reliable names. A wonderful gift for a friend.""

"Don't Name Your Baby" spoofs the whole name-book genre. -- Lisa Friedman Miner, Daily Herald, July 23, 2001

A funny, funny book, but it certainly should help soon-to-be parents pick a good name. -- Star Publications, July 19, 2001

Funny, and a national service if it prevents more babies from being named Brittany. -- Claire Martin, The Denver Post

Why read Narter's handy guide? Because it's funny. -- Mark Brown, Chicago Sun-Times, July 16, 2001

DAVID NARTER, the father of two sons and a high school writing instructor, is the author of numerous works, including the essay "My List, My Books" and the screenplay "The Outside Curve." He lives in Rolling Meadows, Illinois.