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Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, 3rd Edition: Revised and Updated

  • Mã sản phẩm: 1941765882
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  • Publisher:Future Horizons; 3rd edition (June 1, 2019)
  • Language:English
  • Paperback:184 pages
  • ISBN-10:1941765882
  • ISBN-13:978-1941765883
  • Item Weight:1.16 pounds
  • Dimensions:5.75 x 0.75 x 8.75 inches
  • Best Sellers Rank:#17,582 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #2 in Teaching Students with Developmental & Intellectual Disabilities #17 in Autism Spectrum Disorder #40 in Parenting Books on Children with Disabilities
  • Customer Reviews:4.8 out of 5 stars 888Reviews
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Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, 3rd Edition: Revised and Updated
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, 3rd Edition: Revised and Updated
750,000 vnđ
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Product Description

Winner of the Grand Prize for Instruction and Insight and First Place in Psychology, Chanticleer International Book Awards


One of the autism community’s most beloved classics, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew has informed, delighted, and guided millions of families and professionals the world over since its first edition was published in 2005.


A child’s voice leads into each chapter, offering a one-of-a-kind exploration into how ten core characteristics of autism affect our children’s perceptions and reactions to the surrounding physical, sensory and social environments. This revised and updated third edition sharpens the focus on these basic aspects while expanding on how our own perspectives shape the life of our child and ourselves, today, tomorrow, and for years to come. An all-new section illuminates the surprising breadth of our power of choice and outlines potent strategies for strong decision-making in every situation.

Every parent, teacher, social worker, therapist, and physician should have this succinct and informative book in their back pocket. Framed with both humor and compassion, the book lists the top ten characteristics that help illuminate—not define—children with autism. Ellen's personal experiences as a parent, an autism columnist, and a contributor to numerous parenting magazines coalesce to create this guide for anyone with someone on the autism spectrum in their life. (There is also an edition of this book available in Spanish!)

Review

“Great book for the parent of a child who is newly diagnosed. It will help the parent who is frightened by the diagnosis get started on creating a positive outcome for their child.”

— Temple Grandin, PhD, Author of The Way I See It and Thinking in Pictures

 

“This third edition is amazing, and an absolute must-read. Ellen has absorbed so much more wisdom from both the autism world and the autistic world and poured it into her work, and I'm floored. Buy this book, read it, loan it, share it, then read it again!”

— Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Author of Growing Up with Sensory Issues: Insider Tips from a Woman with Autism and How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism or Asperger’s

 

“This third edition of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew is without exception the best yet! As an international consultant on ASD who works with individuals, schools, and parents, I have used this resource as a core teaching tool in most of my trainings, especially with staff who are new to the field of Special Education and/or working with an individual with ASD. I was really excited to see the new chapter on Your Power of Choice. As Ellen writes: ‘Seldom is the instance in which we truly have no choices,’ and this is so true. It empowers the individual to have control in a world that in many ways feels out of control. This book is a must have for your autism resource collection.”

— Jim Ball, EdD, BCBA-D, President/CEO JB Autism Consulting

 

“Every child with autism deserves to have the adults in their life read this book. Parents will find a compassionate, astute ally who has lived the journey with her now-adult son. All readers will clarify and refine their understanding of what it really takes to help a child fit into the world, achieve a state of confidence, and fulfill their unique promise. Compact, well organized and accessible, it contains a remarkable amount of detailed information, helpful suggestions, and concrete strategies. Realistic, practical, and uplifting, it will help you make the best choices for both your child and yourself. It is on my ‘short list’ of highly recommended books on autism. I urge you to soak up its wisdom and then share it with others.”

— Debra Moore, PhD, Psychologist (retired) and Coauthor with Temple Grandin of The Loving Push: How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults

 

“Ellen Notbohm reminds us once again that we should learn more than we teach and that we should listen more than we talk. Ten Things emphasizes these points and offers readers important insights and invaluable information. If you have a 1st or 2nd edition, you will want to purchase a new copy as this book is not just a compassionate and person-centered look at autism, it is also a reflection of a changing field and evolving understandings of advocacy, support, and ability.”

— Paula Kluth, PhD, Author of You’re Going to Love This Kid and Pedro’s Whale

 

“The third edition explains our evolving insights into autism that are so valuable for parents, professionals, and those who have autism. Please grant the wish of the autistic child that you know and absorb the wisdom and clarity of a book that I highly recommend.”

— Tony Attwood, PhD, Author of Ask Dr. Tony: Answers from the World's Leading Authority on Asperger's Syndrome/High-Functioning Autism

 

“The new edition of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew is better than ever. This is essential reading for people who are important in your child’s life, to help them understand your child’s complex and sometimes baffling social, sensory, behavioral, and emotional challenges. This book gives a powerful voice to kids, teens, and adults who can’t easily advocate for themselves, providing an ‘inside view’ of the different realities of life with autism. The new chapter on ‘Your Power of Choice’ compassionately helps readers recognize that while they may feel overwhelmed, scared, and sometimes paralyzed, they are never powerless, and provides key empowering steps they can take to help those they love thrive and live meaningful, productive lives.”

— Lindsey Biel, Occupational Therapist, Coauthor of Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Book for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues, Author of Sensory Processing Strategies: Effective Clinical Work with Kids & Teens

 

“As a parent, as one who works with autistic people, and as an avid reader on the subject, I’m telling you: you must have this book on your shelf. Parents who made it through your child’s early years with hope and optimism because you had the original Ten Things, you need this update. . . (it) will take you from the preschool years through high school and beyond, as parents prepare children for adulthood. The questions for discussion and reflection are perfect for parent support groups, teacher trainings, or book clubs. Optimism abounds.”

— Wendela Whitcomb Marsh, MA, BCBA, RSD, Author of The ABC’s of Autism in the Classroom

 

“How wonderful that Ellen Notbohm's classic, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, is here for a new generation! If your child has been diagnosed with autism, or if you think that your child may have autism, this is the first book that you should read.”

— Bobbi Sheahan, Author of What I Wish I'd Known about Raising a Child with Autism

From the Back Cover

One of the autism community's mostbeloved classics!
 
 
Ten Things Every Child withAutism Wishes You Knew hasinformed, delighted, and guided millions of families and professionals theworld over since its original edition debuted in 2005. The third editionsharpens the child's-view focus on ten core characteristics of autism whileexpanding on how our own perspectives and actions shape the life of our childand ourselves. An all-new section illuminates the surprising breadth of ourpower of choice and outlines potent strategies for strong decision-making inevery situation.
 
*
 
"Parents will find a compassionate,astute ally who has lived the journey ... .
Ten Things contains a remarkable amountof detailed information, helpful suggestions, and concrete strategies.  Realistic, practical, and uplifting."
~Debra Moore, Ph.D., psychologist andcoauthor with Temple Grandin of
TheLoving Push: How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids BecomeSuccessful Adults
 
"Great book for the parent of a childwho is newly diagnosed. It will help the parent who is frightened by thediagnosis get started on creating a positive outcome for their child."
~Temple Grandin, PhD, Author,
The Way I See It and Thinking in Pictures
 
"Essential reading for people who areimportant in your child's life, to help them understand your child's complexsocial, sensory, behavioral, and emotional challenges . . . helps readersrecognize that while they may feel overwhelmed, they are never powerless."
~Lindsey Biel, Occupational Therapist,Coauthor,
Raising a Sensory Smart Child:The Definitive Book for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issuesand Author, Sensory Processing Strategies
 
"Empowers the individual to havecontrol in a world that in many ways feels out of control. A must have for your autism resourcecollection."
~Jim Ball, Ed.D., B.C.B.A.-D,President/CEO JB Autism Consulting
 
"Not just a compassionate andperson-centered look at autism, Ten Things is also a reflection on evolvingunderstandings of advocacy, support, and ability.
~Paula Kluth, PhD, author of You'reGoing to Love This Kid and Pedro's Whale

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

By Ellen Notbohm

Future Horizons, Inc.

Copyright © 2019 Ellen Notbohm
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-941765-88-3

Contents

Preface, xiii,
It begins, xxi,
Chapter One I am a whole child., 1,
Chapter Two My senses are out of sync, 11,
Chapter Three See the difference between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I'm not able to)., 29,
Chapter Four I'm a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally., 43,
Chapter Five Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate., 53,
Chapter Six Picture this! I'm visually oriented., 65,
Chapter Seven Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do., 75,
Chapter Eight Help me be social., 87,
Chapter Nine Identify what triggers my meltdowns., 99,
Chapter Ten Love me without "if.", 117,
The Sum of Ten Things: Your Power of Choice, 125,
It continues, 139,
Questions for Discussion and Self-Reflection, 145,
Acknowledgments, 153,
About the Author, 155,


CHAPTER 1

I am a whole child.

My autism is part of who I am, not all of who I am. Are you just one thing, or are you a person with thoughts, feelings, ideas, likes and dislikes, talents, and dreams? Are you fat (overweight), near-sighted (wear glasses) or clumsy (uncoordinated)? Those may be things I see first when I meet you, but you're more than just that, aren't you?

I'm a child, learning and growing. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. If you think of me as just one thing, you run the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don't think I "can do it" my response will be, why try?


Are you familiar with the term 'autism?'"

That question from Bryce's early childhood special education teacher marked the first time I heard the word autism applied to my child. For me, as for many parents, it was a scary moment, because that one word scrambled my image of my child's future and tossed it into unsurveyed terrain. Fear of the unknown can be one of the most penetrating dreads in the human experience, but in that first daunting moment, the October sun pierced the wall of windows behind me and settled like a reassuring hand on my back. Against the dark monolith of all I didn't know about autism, one luminous thing I did know shone through: my son was the same child I had fallen in love with the day I learned he was on the way, and I was the same mother he loved and trusted. Autism couldn't dent that.

No fan am I of gratuitous political correctness, but in those early days, I had to make a decision about how I viewed my child and his autism, and how I would project that view both to the world and to him. Was he a "child with autism" or was he "autistic?" Given that the social perceptions of the time were based largely on misconceptions, I saw it as an honest confrontation of how words can be accurate and yet set up expectations or preconceived notions that seriously impede a child's progress toward attainable long-range goals.

When my family stepped onto the spectrum in the mid-1990s, parents and professionals within the autism community understood, as we still do today, that when we used the word autistic, we meant "of or relating to autism or a person with autism." But then as now, those of us who live with and love a child with autism also live with the vexing lack of knowledge and unfair stereotypes assigned by the larger world. The incidence of autism at the time of my son's diagnosis was 1 in 750; descriptions of autism as a "rare" and "mysterious" disorder (or worse, "disease") were common. Whether we liked it or not, "autistic" hadn't yet inspired favorable general reactions, didn't yet stir the bystander to look beyond the label to see a whole person, splendidly full of both gifts and gaffes. The broader reaction, "Uh-oh. Silent, withdrawn hand-flapper," was too prevalent. The first assumption was generally one of limitations. Or maybe we got the opposite but equally suffocating notion: "Uh-oh. Awkward, antisocial computer/math/ music prodigy."

One of the biggest shifts in perception about autism has been brought about by a generation of children diagnosed with autism who have grown up to be a vibrant and vocal population, most of whom vehemently identify as "autistic." They've changed the tone of a word that carried heavily negative connotations when they were children, to a word that's no longer a short-cut adjective, but one by which many define themselves. Their voices are authentic and have changed my thinking about my usage of the word "autistic." But it's important to know where we came from, to arrive where we are now.

Where negative or inaccurate descriptions of autism fester, we change perceptions one person at a time. And we begin by asking ourselves: what expectations do words set up?

In the early days of my search for information that would give me some grasp of autism, I came across a ridiculous online dictionary that paired the word "autistic" with the synonym "unfit," and continued with a jaw-dropping list of 155 "related terms," including anesthetized, catatonic, emotionally dead, greedy, heartless, narcissistic, self-besot, soulless, and untouchable. Not one of these words described my child — nor yours, I'll bet.

In the long run — and it is a long run — regardless of what you call it, whether child with autism, autistic child, Aspie, on the spectrum, ASD, what you choose to believe about a child's autism may be the single biggest factor affecting his ultimate outcome. Consciously or otherwise, you make decisions based on your perspective hundreds of times a day. Losing sight of your whole child behind any label makes your life and his more trying.

All children spiral through equilibrium and disequilibrium as they cruise the developmental timeline. Most children will test limits, potty-talk in public, elevate stubbornness to Olympic proportions, flush Batman down the toilet, neglect hygiene, and cry when things don't go their way. Attributing it all to autism is not only inaccurate and unfair, it robs you of appreciating the aspects of your child's development that are typical. He has hopes, preferences, likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams like any other child. In time and with teaching, he will be able to tell you about them, albeit maybe not with words.

Every child deserves to start his or her life and education with a slate clean of preconceived notions. Even when not malicious, labels are seldom harmless. Consider the varied ways in which putting the adjective before the child colors our expectations and our children's potential.


Too low

"Bryce is getting As in my classes," a teacher told me at our first middle school parent conference. "He does everything asked of him, his homework is never late, he participates enthusiastically in class, and he is never off-task."

He continued: "Bryce has exceeded everything I thought I knew about how much autistic kids can accomplish. I've had autistic kids in my classes. His creativity and organization are far and above the others ..."

His voice tapered off in mid-sentence. "I think I get it," he said. "That word sets up an expectation that's probably lower than what the child is capable of. Am I getting it?"

Yes, he got it, and an already-good teacher got better for every child with autism who came after Bryce. The teacher realized that when he qualified "kid" with "autistic," he set a bar in his mind for what the child couldn't do. Each person who interacts with the child sets the bar at a different place. Whether too low ("You don't think I can do it. Why try?") or too high ("I'm never good enough. Why try?"), should we force the child to travel the extra distance to meet what might be our own ill-conceived expectations? The road is long enough as it is.


Too high

"Autistic today, genius tomorrow."

When this bumper sticker loomed up in front of me on the rump of an SUV, it reminded me that messages perpetuating stereotypes, even when well-intended, are dangerous. In reinforcing a lofty cliched characterization that most autistic individuals will never achieve, "autistic today, genius tomorrow" sets up for failure the very people it seeks to support. A middle school administrator once told me how much he enjoyed getting to know Bryce, a child with autism who was neither a genius nor a behavior problem. The fact that a seasoned educator found him remarkable is sad, isn't it? Placing the bar too high, setting up a personal or a societal expectation that any day now our autistic child will wake up as a brainiac, more likely creates a parent who motors along without a realistic grasp of the strengths and weaknesses of his/her own child, and a child who will go through life with feelings of chronic inadequacy. Imagine it — the eyes of impatient society following you, collective fingers drumming, waiting for "genius" to show itself. Whether the child is struggling or is happily adjusted to who he is, the expectation of breakthrough greatness is bound to be a(nother) heavy burden.

The mother of a six-year-old told me that of all the questions she fields about her son's autism, the one that rankles most is, "What's his gift?" Some autistic children will someday manifest genius. Most will not. Some people who aren't autistic emerge as geniuses. Most do not. We owe our children faith, conviction, and support, whether or not they'll display "genius tomorrow." Genius doesn't guarantee independence, productivity, or satisfaction in life. We know a young autistic man who has indeed grown up to be a math genius. His mother worries because they are a family of math geniuses — chronically unemployed math geniuses. She's seen how genius doesn't translate into ability to interact effectively with coworkers and clients, to accept direction, set goals, meet deadlines. She'd be happier if her son had a little less genius, a lot more social savvy and some marketable job skills.


Too broad

Here's a peek into my professional life, as it pertains to this discussion. Editors and instructors constantly pummel writers to avoid adjectives, instead to use stronger, more active, more descriptive nouns, verbs and phrases. Such words don't always flow from us writers; it often takes effort to pull up those more specific, more emotive terms. But it always makes for more compelling storytelling. Whether or not you're a writer, you become a storyteller on the day your child is born. How you tell your child's story at each step of his development will determine the type of people drawn to him or her. It will influence who commits to playing a role in it for a page, a chapter or longer, and who tunes out.

Looking back at dozens of IEP meetings and teacher conferences over a span of more than twenty years, I can recall very few times when I, or the seventy-five or so teachers Bryce had, discussed his autism by name. Vivid in my memory are the hundreds of hours and pages of in-depth discussion and strategizing about social-emotional, academic, language, and sensory issues, objectives, and goals. One by one, year by year, we defined, framed, addressed and vanquished each one in terms of measurable success, largely sans labels. In time and with teaching, Bryce learned to be an effective self-advocate — to ask for what he needed, based on his understanding of his own learning and processing style. The label applied to that learning and processing style wasn't of primary relevance. He viewed his autism as a significant part of himself that would always be so, but also clearly identified aspects of his persona and worldview that might be called "typical" or "regular." He likened himself to Star Trek's Mr. Spock, and how Spock's Vulcan part and human part coexisted in him, coloring the way he experienced both cognitive and social-emotional thinking, sometimes in surprising ways — but always as whole person.

Autism offers few short cuts, few pat answers or glib descriptions for how we represent our child to the world he must inhabit. Through many years of day camps, swim lessons, new teachers, coaches, neighbors, or friends, I didn't open a conversation by describing my son as autistic, but rather offered a short list of how his autism might affect him in the setting, and included communication tactics and accommodations that would give him the best shot at success in each environment. I asked people to speak to him directly, at close range, and without slang or idioms. To show more than tell. To direct his attention to appropriate peer models. These instructions were simple but not simplistic. Those concrete directives gave other people in my son's life tools that made his successes possible.

More recently, a news item caught my eye that illustrated the vastness of the spectrum of abilities within autism. A mom seeking services for her adult son said: "He is almost a savant when it comes to learning facts, but he can't use them." In high school, the young man scored ninety-two percent in pure math, but daily problem-solving gives him difficulty. This mother said it took four years to teach her son to ride the bus alone. In my house, on the other side of the spectrum, Bryce may struggle with retrieving facts in certain categories as much as any of us do, and standardized tests were always his nemesis. But it took me one hour to teach him, at fifteen, to ride the bus alone. Ditto for many other daily life skills he wanted to learn.

In general terms, both of these young men could be called autistic. In its least damaging context, the word does little to meaningfully describe the unique challenges and needs each faces. "My child is "autistic" tells me nothing about him other than a broad-spectrum diagnosis. It doesn't help me understand his challenges, his strengths, his qualities both endearing and annoying. Who delights, puzzles or frightens him? What concerns, intrigues or uplifts him? We need to know these things, because in a more alarming context, the homogenous thinking a single-adjective descriptor engenders can prevent kids from getting the individualized services they need. That's the dichotomy, the fine line: in most cases, you need the label to be able to access the services. The label is not inaccurate or inherently bad. But it will be up to you to use it as a means of forward movement, not an excuse for you or others to use as a limiting factor.

We also need to beware the single-adjective descriptor that opens the door to its abuse. Around the world, many of us have seen numerous instances of "autistic" being used as general-purpose pejorative to describe a person who is uncooperative, belligerent, emotionally distant, or has difficulty communicating. I resist at every turn the usage of any language that robs our children of their right to be viewed, treated, and educated as individuals with specific needs and strengths. Cultural co-option of autism stereotypes as convenient slurs adds yet another barrier to society's acceptance of our children as whole persons, and another reason to steer our language toward more specific, more edifying representations of our children.

Many children with autism have grown and will grow into adults who choose to identify themselves as autistic; others will not ascribe to that label, or any other. In all cases, the choice is theirs alone. Ideally, they'll make it based on a childhood that began, as all childhoods should, with a blank slate of possibility. They arrive at adulthood after a moving staircase of years in which adults nurtured their skills and assets, provided education and guidance both cognitive and social-emotional, taught them informed self-advocacy and that their autism might be a reason behind some of their challenges, but never an excuse or free pass.

So whether autistic, with-autism, Aspie, autie, or spectrum dweller, run the word or words you use to describe your child through your reality-checker and ask yourself if it in any way limits your view of what the future holds for your child, and the value she or he brings to our world. If it does, remember that nothing, nothing, is predetermined and your time together brims with open-ended opportunity.

CHAPTER 2

My senses are out of sync.


This means that ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches you may not even notice can be very painful for me. What's going on around me often makes me uncomfortable, even scared. I may look like I'm spacing out or being mean to you, but it all feels like I have to defend myself. Here's why I may have trouble handling what you think is a simple trip to the grocery store:

My hearing may be hyperacute. I can hear dozens of people jabbering, even if they're far away, even if I can't see them. The loudspeaker booms today's special. Music blares from the sound system. Registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder chugs. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain cant filter all the input and I'm in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter you don't seem to notice stinks to me, the guy standing next to us didn't take a shower today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they're mopping up a broken jar of pickles on aisle three with ammonia. I feel like throwing up.

And there's so much hitting my eyes! The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it flickers. The floor, the shelves, the stuff on the shelves — it all seems to be moving. The throbbing light bounces off everything and distorts what I'm seeing. There are too many items for me to be able to focus and parts of my brain may shut down. There are whirling fans on the ceiling, so many strangers' faces and bodies moving all around me, coming so close it scares me. All this affects how I feel just standing there. And then it gets worse — I can't even feel where the edges of my body are. It's like I'm drifting in space.

Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it might be the most critical. Our sensory systems are data gatherers; they're the "input" channels feeding information to our brains that help us figure out what's going on around us. Cognitive and social-emotional learning can't break through to a child whose world is intrusively loud, blindingly bright, unbearably malodorous and physically complicated to navigate. His brain can't filter multiple sensory inputs, and he frequently feels overloaded, disoriented, and unsettled in his own skin.

And into this shrieking, blinding hurricane of sensory acid rain we inject the expectation that this child "pay attention," "behave," learn, adhere to social rules that mystify her, and communicate with us, usually through a mode of our choosing, without thought about whether it's meaningful to her. Neglect a child's sensory challenges and you will never get close to discovering her capability. Sensory issues are that crucial to her overall ability to function.

Picture yourself on the world's hippest roller coaster. (If you dislike roller coasters, this makes the example even better.) Coney Island and Six Flags are fun vacation venues, but how long could you do your day job while ensconced on the Wonder Woman Golden Lasso, Steel Vengeance, or the Kingda Ka? Could you conduct that meeting, teach that class, be charming dinner company, write the report and clean the house while enduring the vertigo, the screams of fellow riders, the g-force of the rushing air, the unexpected drops and abrupt changes of direction, the sensation of hair in your mouth and bugs in your teeth? It might be fun as an occasional thrill, but admit it — you want to get off after the three minute ride. For many autistic children, it's a ride with no exit gate, a 24/7 state of being, and the very antithesis of thrilling.


(Continues...)Excerpted from Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm. Copyright © 2019 Ellen Notbohm. Excerpted by permission of Future Horizons, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

 

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